Today I wanted to discuss how being a parent can be REALLY hard sometimes.
I know that things are usually light & fluffy on my blog, and I like it that way. But this is something that I want to talk about because I feel like EVERY Mom out there can relate to.
During those ten months leading up to having your baby are a time of LOTS of thinking. Worrying about EVERY little thing that could happen while you are pregnant & also what will happen during birth. If you have never given birth before you have NO idea what to expect. It’s a WHOLE new journey and as much as you can hear EVERY labor story under the sun, you really have NO idea what to think until you go through it yourself. And even then you may not know what to expect since a lot of pregnancies & delivery are different than your first one.
One thing I can ASSURE is that it was the ABSOLUTE BEST day of my ENTIRE life. There are NO words that I could ever write to tell you HOW special that day was for me. My whole world just stopped when that little lady was born…and the moment that it went from the two of us to the three of us was a moment that will forever be embedded in my heart.
But once your baby is born you have a whole new sets of worries. And I hear this will NEVER end. There are always a new set of worries as your child ages. All part of being a parent, right?? 🙂
Here’s one thing that people might not tell you…being a parent is TOUGH. It’s HARD work, and honestly it can really test you in a lot of ways. Now, please do NOT take this the wrong way. I love my daughter more than anything in this world. She has completely stolen our hearts. But she really can test us. Not only can she test patience sometimes, but she can also test our marriage and test our sanity. 😉
<—sometimes that’s how I feel- AHH! 😀
The good thing is that all of these ‘tests’ are GOOD & only make us stronger, but sometimes they are hard to get through when you are right in the middle of them.
Now, let me explain a bit more.
As for testing our marriage. First…NO WORRIES, our marriage is 100% great!! But children can make you take a step back & re evaluate how you view things. Like Gabriella’s doctor told me, when you are dating someone you talk about things you enjoy doing, the topic of ‘How do you feel about a baby crying?’ never comes up. It is SO true…and you will probably not understand that statement until you are a parent.
When we first brought Gabriella I didn’t want her to cry for a second. I mean the minute I heard even just a peep out of her, I was right by her side- holding or rocking her. Whatever she needed. I would never change that. I think when they are that little they NEED to immediate comfort, even if they really are just crying to cry. They need to know early on that you will be there for them.
<—Not even a month old! so tiny.
As time went on, probably once she was about two months old, Craig had the ‘crying baby’ talk with me. He was ok with the idea of letting her cry for a little bit.- IF we knew everything was ok. (fed, clean diaper, burped, etc) I was not. I believed that she was still too young (I still believe this), and if she started to cry I went & got her. He told me to talk to her doctor about it to see what he said. He told me it was OK to let her cry for a bit- babies need to learn to self soothe at some point.
It was still VERY hard for me, and most times I just could NOT do it…but I let her cry for maybe two minutes. HEY, it was a HUGE step for me. 🙂
As time went on, and she got older, I kept giving Craig the same reason for immediately going to get her if she cried- that she was ‘still so little.’ He then reminded me that I have been using that excuse for months now. He caught on to me- lol! 🙂
He kept encouraging me to TRY to let her cry, even if it was just for five minutes. I tried, but sometimes I can’t always do it. He just looks at me and says ‘Well, you’re the one who is with her all day…so you’re going to have to deal with it if you can’t let her soothe herself.’ He’s 100% right. Although I have gotten better, and I CAN let her cry for a bit (ok, let’s be real…probably at most 10 minutes), I still have a hard time hearing it. But I DO acknowledge the fact that she does need to learn how to self soothe.
That’s just one example of how it can be tough on your marriage at times- you have different views or opinions on how to raise your child. It’s OK to have different views, but you have to learn to compromise to a point. Our new issue now is trying to get G to sleep in her crib. She’s in her room & has been for about 2 months now, but she is still in her Rock n’ Play…and is NOT into the idea of moving to her crib.
Now, on to the ‘losing my sanity’ side of being a parent. I think this is a CRUIAL side to being a parent. You have to admit that sometimes you feel as though you are going INSANE.
<—Mad G. Even mad G makes me smile.
As much as I ADORE and completely LOVE my daughter, I have days that I really could just use a break. Of course I’m sure some of it has to do with the fact that I AM with her 24/7. I would NOT change that fact. I am so blessed & lucky to be able to work from home and take care of her.
But there comes a time when you just feel like you might pull your hair out if you don’t get a little bit of a break. Just time for ME. Even if it’s just to shave my legs. Now how lame does that sound?! But it’s SO true.
I was having a REALLY rough time on Sunday. I just felt like I was going to break down. I really just wished that I could spend the day out of the house. That I could have Craig take care of her for the day. I just NEEDED, desperately, some ME time. G has not been sleeping well (she was doing SO much better before…I’m not sure what happened), she’s been a bit fussier than normal, and she did NOT want to nap no matter what we tried. (I’m guessing it MAY be a growth spurt.)
What makes it harder is the fact that she will not take a bottle…which means that no matter what, even if I do go somewhere, I HAVE to be back within 3 or 4 hours. Now, this isn’t a ‘poor me’ kind of post, please do NOT feel bad for me. I am SO incredibly luck to be a Mom and I LOVE it so much. I just could use a day, or even an afternoon to do stupid stuff. Like look around Target (without an Ergo attached to me 😉 ), go clothes shopping, go to the MALL, or to go to the spa. What I would give for a spa day…probably my right arm. No, just kidding 😀
The WHOLE point of this post is to tell you (all of you new parents and soon to be parents out there) is that it is TOTALLY 100% OK to admit you need a break. It’s OK to try to take a day for some YOU time. It’s OK to say that you may lose your mind if you don’t get out of the house. IT’S OK! Do not feel bad. Do not feel guilty. I used to be REALLY hard on myself. I was constantly putting the guilt trip on myself if I ever felt like I needed even a ten minute shower. (it’s amazing how showers suddenly turn into MINUTE showers once you have a baby…you had no idea HOW fast you can actually shower. 😀 )
As much as I would love an afternoon for just me, the pathetic part is that I know that I would INSTANTLY miss G.
Even when I go on long runs on the weekend, when Craig is home, I might be gone for 2 hours & the second I get home I HAVE to hold her. Talk about attachment issues 😉 But I also know that I NEED those two hours- just to clear my mind and enjoy my run.
Oh, and if you have family near by (we do not)- take them up on some date nights out with your husband/ significant other!! How I miss those- even just the late night runs for a Wendy’s frosty. 🙂 (HUGE pregnancy craving)
I just want to tell you that being a parent is HARD WORK!! It’s no easy task. Just remember to try to take a little time for yourself every now & then. You NEED it & you DESERVE it. Your child will appreciate a refreshed Mommy or Daddy. 🙂
every mom needs a break. You give and love so much. That’s why you are an amazing MOM! thanks for being real and inspiring. Vent to me anytime! I’m here, no kids, haha.
Thank you Lindsay, that really means SO much to me! I hope you enjoy your vacation, I’m thinking of you!!
Holly, I totally agree with you we as parents definately do need breaks from time to time! I believe it makes us better parents 🙂 and it’s nothing to feel guilty about! G is beautiful!
Thanks Jess!! 🙂 I agree- it does make us better parents. Miss you! I think of you often. XO
You definitely deserve a break every now and then! Things get hectic when you get stressed and stressed without a break from what’s causing it. I’m sure things will get easier with time. Remember, you are a NEW mom. This is all new and different so, of course, it’s going to be scary and frustrating. Although my situation is MUCH different, I spend all day worrying about my knee and things so I get frustrated over Elmo a lot. I need times to just go and sit… by myself… SOMEWHERE. lol
Thanks Lauren! I can only imagine how stressful the whole knee situation is, I’m so sorry to read about it 😦 I know you are in a tough situation…every single day. I am praying for a speedy recovery for you.
This is so inspirational Holly. I don’t pretend I know anything or everything closely related to being aparent. You deserve a break (as Lindsay and Lauren said). You are such a realistic mom and poster and it never fails to amaze me seriously how you balance it all together.
Thank you Hollie. This made me smile so much! 😀 You are such a wonderful blog friend! XO
Thanks for sharing, girl. I’ll need to read this again in a few weeks. 😉
Just remember to take some time for YOU! Addie is going to be such a blessed little girl with such amazing parents!! ❤
My how I wish we were neighbors, we could vent to each other about extremely poopy diapers and sleepness nights ALL DAY my friend! 😉
No joke, Parenting is TOUGH. Thats the understatement of the century, is it not? lol
I agree, the best thing is that even though our lives completely revolve around our little ones, we MUST remember to take/and make time for ourselves and our marriages.
I had and still have the same issue with letting my little man cry it out. I hated it and never did it when he little and my husband would say the exact same thing yours did. It’s normal, it gets easier, but the honest truth is some days are a fine and dandy and others are super tough and like you said, because we don’t have family close by, the super tough days seem unbearable at times.
The best thing in my opinion is to remember to take care of yourself, (go to the spa, relax, take a long shower or bath) so that you can be rejuvenated enough to handle the crazy, omg!-this-is-the-hardest-job-in-the-world kind of days!
Hang in there chicky! Vent all you want, I completely & totally understand!! 🙂 ❤
I wish we were neighbors too!! I could use another Mom to talk to.
TOTAL understatement of the year!!!!
THANK you for your comment, I’m so glad you can relate (even though it may be hard sometimes)- and you can vent to me too!! 🙂
Will do! 🙂
Oh Holly, I could have written this post word for word. Every single part of it! Our little ones are the same ages and I am having a really hard time letting him cry and learn to self soothe. He’s still in his rock and play- hates his crib SO much. He won’t take a bottle meaning mama doesn’t get a break and he’s going through some sort of sleep regression. It’s ok to admit you need a break. It doesn’t mean we’re complaining or love our babies any less, it just means we understand we need to take care of ourselves too. Hang in there!!
It is SO hard to hear them cry. It KILLS me. Breaks my heart.
I’m SO glad you can relate. It sounds like we are in IDENTICAL situations- with the rock n play- being anti crib. The no bottle thing (really can suck sometimes) & the sleep regression.
We seriously need a spa day…or maybe a 4 hour spa afternoon…haha! (since we can’t go a full day or our babies don’t eat)
Just stumbled across your blog and I totally understand how you feel. My son is now 10 months old and though its gotten a lot easier lately (and I mean a lot!) it’s still so exhausting.
I read how your daughter is having some issues digesting food. Have you thought about switching to oatmeal cereal instead of rice? My son had horrible problems with the rice cereal. We stopped for a few days then switched to oatmeal and have had no problems. He sees to have a rather sensitive stomach. Also, I would do dinner for breakfast and breakfast for dinner. He seemed to have some issues with veggies and meat (when we started that) so I would do them for breakfast to give his little belly time to digest during the day. Then for dinner he got fruits since they seemed easier to digest. Once he got used to all of it we moved dinner foods back to dinner. Kinda odd I know, but it’s not like he knew the difference! Just thought I’d share…
Hi Julie! Thank you for your comment. Do you want to know something funny? G was actually the opposite. She like the rice cereal, but hated the oatmeal. She enjoyed the avocado, and we just tried sweet potatoes & absolutely LOVED them. It was hilarious how much she liked them!! 🙂 I really like the idea of switching breakfast & dinner- honestly I like doing that for myself sometimes too 🙂
I really appreciate your honesty about this. I definitely do not see this post as complaining…I see it as REAL feelings from a REAL Mom and that’s refereshing. I’m 26 weeks pregnant and I will remember this post when I have my little boy and get frustrated (it’s inevitable!). Thank you for sharing!!
CONGRATS Katy! It is the BEST & Hardest job being a Mom, but 100% worth it!! 😀
OMG! I can totally relate! My princess is three months now and even though we have family nearby, I had absolutely no help! Not even from my hubby. At least you get 2-3 hours out… During the day my baby sometimes feeds ever hour or two! Thats only 15 minute break before she is back on! I’ve had to nurse her in the car in a parking lot! She also rejects the bottle making it harder for me to do anything….even eat at times. It would be nice to get some me time even if it is an hour nap or a five minute shower!