I HATE this disease. Absolutely HATE it.
Not only does it interfere with my life, but now it’s interfering with Gabriella’s life. I feel like it is taking me away from being the best Mom I can be.
I thought things were looking up there for a minute, and then today happened. It has been AWFUL to say the least.
I down MORE weight. At this point it’s scary. With past eating issues, I would have been like ‘oh yay! I’m down even more weight.’ Not now. Not at this point in the disease. It keeps going down down down. It. Is. Scary.
The other thing is that it is HARD to eat, and now I need to eat even more to get in the calories. But the LAST thing a person dealing with a flare up wants to do is eat. About five minutes after you eat anything (I mean ANYTHING) you are in the bathroom. And in pain. So in the back of your mind, it’s like WHY am I even eating if it’s just going straight through me AND leaving me in pain?! But of course you have to eat, ESPECIALLY during a flare, it’s just HARD. Really hard. I have been drinking protein shakes, but the protein is causing stomach pain, so I may have to switch to something else, like Ensure or Boost. (They just don’t have a lot of protein, which is key, but hey they are additional calories.)
I’m not going to describe what happened this morning, but it was NOT pretty. It just VERY clearly made me remember HOW bad a flare is…and that I probably should NOT leave the house. AT ALL. Thankfully I have Craig, who was able to run a few errands that I had to get done. (like dropping off things for the tests I am having done to find out if it is more than a flare- like a possible infection)
Anyways, I’m sorry, yet another vent about this da*n disease. I just needed to get it out. I feel bad for always telling Craig about it, but to be quite honest I don’t think many people really want to hear all of the details because well…the disease is disgusting & embarrassing.